You know what I really hate about getting ready for work? The sock factor. Many people don't understand the importance of this issue. In some offices, the ladies' dress code dictates the legs are covered. Every morning, it's the same "SOS." Start on Socks, that is. Whatever's clean, matched and has a minimal amount of runs is a good starting point. The reason for this dress code item is three-fold. Very few women have time to:
A. Tan,
B. Tone, or
C. De-fuzz

If you knew how crucial your leg-wear was, you would give up the walk-in closet for your clothes and dedicate it to hose and socks: all lengths, full, thigh-high, knee high and ankle. All colors from Satin Taupe to Bare Beige and every hue in between. Because without proper stockings, what you will wear on the rest of your body, is a moot point. Your attire hinges on the very utility of your leg wear and no corporate decisions are weightier than a matched pair of socks. Stockings are more of a corporate flow chart than a decision making process. It would look something like this:

I. Start with panty hose.

a. Rats! A run!

i.Will it show? No! Apply nail polish to arrest the run. Now your hose are stuck to your thighs. Recommend clear, but any color will do.

ii. Run is too far-gone. Go to next step.

b. Cut off damaged leg. (i.e. off the panty hose.) Wear two one-legged panty hose. Voila! A matched pair in terms of color is suggested, but not required.

c. Cannot match? Proceed to Step II.

II. Pick out final pair of available hose. Remove snaggily jewelry this time. But, woe is me, another pair with a Pre-existing Condition. Remove hose, tie legs in knots to avoid future entry attempts. (They always find their way back into the drawer). If time, go to III.

III. Drive by the convenience store. Buy multiple pairs of hose, any color, any size, on the way to work. No time, proceed to IV.

IV. Resort to knee-high hose. Take off first choice of suit. Longer skirt required for obvious reasons.

a. Can't find two knee-highs to match! Find two, any two, any color, and walk in long strides today at all times to avoid parallel legs at rest. No one will notice the unmatched set. It is assumed no professional woman under the age of 87 would wear anything besides panty hose. No match in knees-highs? Go to V.

V. Resort to anklets (socks). Remove longer skirt version. Slip into some slacks. This is your final answer! Any pattern, any color will do. You are working with a 3% margin here, and I don't mean in relationship to interest and expenses…but rather, at this point, just 3% of your leg is visible between your slacks and shoes. Smaller margin = greater options in sock wear.

VII. Boots are good; socks won't show...you can even go sans socks at this juncture!

VIII.No boots? Go back to bed. You must call in sick. Another case of the runs.

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